Friday, May 15, 2020

The Doting Bates Hubbies

Zach and Whitney Bates
Zach and Whitney Bates

"Right before birth is one of the most important times to do some special things for your wife because she is about to go through a lot of pain and blame you for all of it. So you want to make some good memories before that, so that at least she doesn't, you know, have homicidal thoughts towards you in the midst of labor."
-Zach Bates

What a way to put it, Zach. Do you really expect us to believe that gentle Whitney would ever have ill thoughts towards anyone? But in all seriousness, the Bates husbands are great at making their wives feel loved and pampered (video below).

If you enjoy this blog, be sure to visit Ellie's other blogs (NashvilleWife.com and DuggarFamilyBlog.com).

72 comments:

  1. If the wives are having homicidal thoughts during each labor maybe it’s time to stop getting pregnant.

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    1. Wow. Some people can’t take a joke.

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    2. He was very obviously joking. We all know how much they want their children and how devastated they were after their miscarriage. We don’t all have to think the same things are funny but don’t try to act like someone was serious when they were joking!

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  2. Homicidal thoughts towards your husband for choosing to have baby after baby? Not very funny.

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    1. You are so right. Not funny at all! What a sad statement. I don’t understand this family sometimes.

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    2. Agreed! It’s not funny to say such things even in jest. They say each child is a blessing from God then blame their husbands? I know this was meant as a joke but it is a terrible joke to say the least.

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    3. Agree 11:50 and 11:53. Understand it was supposedly a joke but some statements just aren’t funny.

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  3. I never blamed my husband or had “homicidal” thoughts toward him during labor. Why would I blame him for a choice we made to get pregnant? Why would I have horrid thoughts toward him during the birthing process? If this is how Whitney responds to Zach during labor I would be done having kids.

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    1. It's a stereotype. I've seen it on tv shows for decades.

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    2. Oh my goodness!!! Not sure who these posters know; but it’s not uncommon for women in the throws of labor scream, hit and want nothing to do with the father of said baby!!! However, once the baby is born all is forgiven and parents are in euphoria!

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    3. I think when Zach said “ Homicidal“ thoughts he was joking. I have heard several people that I know play around with soon to be Dads and say that she will say it’s your fault for like two minutes and laugh about it. I think he was saying it to be funny.

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    4. Oh my goodness 10:01. I have never known of any woman ( myself, siblings, friends) to hit their husbands in labor. That’s abuse. If you are screaming and that out of control get an epidural or some IV pain meds. It should never be “uncommon” and there is never an excuse for a wife to verbally or physically abuse her husband even in the “throws of labor”.

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    5. 10:01. A husband needs to be forgiven after his wife has delivered their child? For what? I never once hit or “wanted nothing to do with my husband” during labor. He was a great partner. We created our children together and although I delivered them he was a great ally during the throws of labor. I can’t imagine being unkind to him.

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    6. I have a question for all those saying it’s normal to hit, have homicidal thoughts ( I know it’s supposed to be a joke) and/or requiring your husband to be forgiven after delivery...If this is “normal” why doesn’t the laboring woman hit and/or having these other thoughts and actions toward a nurse, DR, doula, mother, sister and any other labor support? It’s because she knows it is in no way acceptable. And, it should in no way be acceptable or “funny” toward her husband.

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    7. 2:57. Very well said, and agree.

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    8. 3:13. Never thought of that, but so true.

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    9. 3:13, I don't think the stereotype is funny (although it is based in some truth for some women), but I also don't think for a minute that either Whitney or Zach take it seriously or that it's anywhere close to their experience.

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    10. Thank you anon @ 1:46!!!!!

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  4. I never found it funny when women are mean to their husbands, or blame them, for the pain of labor. It’s usually the wife who wants “just one more baby” and the husband gives in. Then she spends the time complaining about weight gain, fatigue, all the work of the other kids and ultimately the never ending monologue of how much she suffered through EVERY SINGLE BIRTH. No thanks.

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    1. Just curious,have you been pregnant and given birth to a baby? Yes, children are a gift but that, in no way implies giving them the gift of life is easy.

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    2. LOL! Yep. I got so tired of birth stories and the ensuing nursing stories I actually quit the young mothers group at Church.

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    3. Truth right there!

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    4. @2:22. Yes. 4X. Yes it was intensely painful. Nope, was never vicious to my husband, and don’t require accolades for “who suffered the most”. 3:17...I completely understand.

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  5. Love Zach! He keeps it real!!!

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  6. Aww isn’t that sweet. Well a lot of the bates girls got epidurals.

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    1. What does the B in an orange circle mean by some comments?

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    2. They are people with accounts for blogs. It's the blog symbol :)

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    3. Thank you for answering my question.

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  8. I think Zach's sense of humor has emerged since being married to Whitney. And I doubt that she was upset at all about his comments. I think she "gets" him and together they are thriving in their marriage.

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    1. Exactly. She knows she doesn't behave like that in labor and knows he was totally joking.

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  9. He was just being funny. Lighten up.

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    1. I think it was funny until the homicidal thoughts comment. That’s where it derailed. Nothing to even joke about.

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  10. I know Zach was trying to be fun, but that “joke” just falls flat for me. I don’t appreciate When men try to be funny at their wife’s’ expense. They just come across rude.

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    1. I don't think he was directing the joke at Whitney, he was joking about a general sterotype.

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  11. I'm not quite sure what to make of Zac's comments. His comments seem "stale" to me; like they came from other male relatives, friends.
    As a woman who gave birth 3 times in 4 years, I never had homocidal thoughts against my husband. I did expect him to help after the birth of our baby. My husband got up with our newborn on the nights when he was off work so I could get a night of uninterrupted sleep. (I had a bottle of breastmilk prepared ahead of time for him). He changed a slew of diapers too.
    I hope Zac cares for his babies long into the future.

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  12. Gotta just blame Eve for biting the apple! Lol! That's when God said there would be pain during labor, as punishment. Silly Eve

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    1. The curse of painful labor did indeed come from Eve’s disobedience. Thankfully as a Christian woman I am redeemed from the curse. Jesus bore the curse on the cross and I believe every good and perfect gift is from God; including my epidurals😀

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    2. 3:24 - So, because Eve disobeyed, God cursed and sentenced all future generations of women with painful childbirth. How does that even make sense to you? That would be like sentencing the children and descendents of a bank robber to incarceration, simply because their ancestor commited a crime. I take much of the Bible with a huge grain of salt, because human beings wrote it.

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    3. The curse of painful labor, as well as pains of weight gain, and the labor of childrearing. Its amazing g to study Genesis 3 and see the ways in which the curse of sin is present in so many ways.

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    4. 10:07. I suggest NOT taking God’s Word with a huge grain of salt. The curse of painful childbirth was given for all generations due to Eve’s disobedience. However, due our Loving Savior Jesus those of us who are in Christ have been redeemed from the curse.

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    5. Lila- What you describe is not something a loving God would do. I simply do not believe such tall tales, that all women since Eve are
      cursed because she supposedly disobeyed God. If you really think that way, are you opposed to using pain killers?

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  13. Zach was joking in his 'homicidal' comment. It was very funny and quite true with lots of women. My husband said that I cursed at him in the delivery room yet I don't remember saying anything like that to him. Lighten up folks, it was funny and Zach was right.

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    1. I agree...very well said!

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    2. Actually it’s not funny Gracie. You claim you don’t remember cursing at your husband, but he remembers. And though it may have been done in duress if labor those words sting.

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    3. Gracie. Just curious. If your husband has a particularly bad day at work and comes home and curses at you, but doesn’t remember is that ok? I’m not being snarky. That might be a “grace thing” between you and your husband.

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    4. It was funny!!!!!!!! ; )

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    5. If those words, in those circumstances 'sting', then somebody is a marshmallow who isn't emotionally ready for adult life. 'Do not take offence where none is intended' !

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    6. 11:59. Good point. All married couples have the “grace thing” or “free pass” during certain situations. I know my husband and I do.

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    7. 2:03. If a husband was let’s say in the hospital passing a kidney stone ( very painful) and he cursed and/or hit his wife ( blaming her) due to the intensity of his pain. Would that just be expected as common? A “funny” male response during the throws of pain? Is the wife a marshmallow whom is not emotionally ready for adult life if she says “I love you and I’m here for you, but you may not treat me in this way”? I just find it interesting that women justify their bad behavior toward their husbands in childbirth as “normal” or “funny” , but a husband who may do the same when in pain look out! Suddenly they are all feminists.

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    8. No one can say with 100% certainty that those words would sting. People react differently and not everyone takes things personally.

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    9. 10:12. You got that right! No man would be given that much empathy.

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    10. 10:12, why would a man blame his wife for a kidney stone? Unlike your example, a husband does absolutely have a direct link to the reason the wife is in great pain. I think the joke is old and tired, but your analogy isn't equivalent.

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    11. 12:48. My point was if a husband cursed and hit his wife due to pain it would be totally unacceptable. As it should be. But somehow a wife cursing and hitting her husband during pain is somehow “funny and common”. Neither is acceptable..direct link or not.

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    12. 12:48. Why would a wife blame her husband for being pregnant with the end goal of delivering the child? I’m assuming she knew she was a direct link as well.

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    13. My gosh@10:12. This isn’t 1520 when an uneducated wife didn’t know the results of being “directly linked” to her husband. I just don’t understand casting any blame toward my husband when I’m in labor.

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    14. I think you got the analogy.

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    15. 12:48. I actually thought it was a good analogy as any wife should know she is a direct link to her child-bearing pain. I think the OP was making a good point that neither husband NOR wife should ever find it “funny, common,expected, or excusable” to hit or verbally abuse each other no matter the situation. Like everyone on here I understand Zach was joking about the stereotypical laboring woman. Perhaps as men have needed to evolve to be compassionate labor partners ( no more smoking cigars nervously in the waiting room) maybe women need to evolve and move past the “hysterical, husband-blaming” stereotype as well.

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    16. 6:58. Best comment on here.

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  14. Thinking about how Zach and the other young men treat ladies, it is obvious to me they learned it from watching their father treat their mother with respect. And, I'm fairly certain that Gil would have never allowed his sons, at any age, disrespect their mother. Great job, Gil!!!

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  15. Zach is hilarious! If you have been watching the show long enough you would know that Zach is the sweetest guy who never means harm. He is funny and has a wonderful sense of humor. He was joking. I thought it was great. He brings a lighter mood to the family, just like his dad.

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    1. I completely agree!!! Well said.

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  16. My husband looks back at our son's labor & delivery with a chuckle. The doctor said he hears this from laboring women all the time. My husband was not and is not offended or hurt by that incident. Response to Anon 5/16 @ 3:27.

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  17. I know it was supposed to be a joke but it fell flat. My first thought was that his wife, mpther, and most of his sister get epidurals so they don't feel much at all. I'm guessing the producers put him up to that one.

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    1. Are you kidding? You get an epidural because the pain is so bad! I don’t have to experience the entire thing to understand the pain! You can’t get an epidural until they determine you are in active labor, so at least for me I went through hours of pain before getting relief! We saw many of them in a lot of pain before getting the epidurals.

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  18. Then if the producers put him "up to that one" for ratings or whatever, then that is even more sad.

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    1. Exactly 10:22. So tired of the “producers made them do it”. They are adults.

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    2. Definitely right! They are adults. But...unless there is some kind of crazy humor, it does not get the ratings. So sad.

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    3. They may be adults but the producers are their boss.

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  19. Goodness gracious, these comments are ridiculous. The things that come out during labor (haha, no pun intended) aren't deserving of this backlash. This lovely couple is being real and genuine - I would think that us fans would appreciate the normalcy, realism and grit that defines childbirth. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, I can say that for a fact because I've been there three separate times. Let's everyone have a moment of appreciation for allt mama's and daddy's that go through this wonderful but difficult process and give them a heartfelt congratulations. Anything else isn't helpful. It's about welcoming a new life, not tearing down the parents for the things they might say (or don't say) during labor and delivery.

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    1. You are right...it is about welcoming a new life, however, with a right spirit in the process. Labor is hard. I know this first hand but I never felt the tendencies that were expressed in the original post. My grandmother was a guide to tell me to focus and remain calm. I understand this was meant in good humor but it sort of fell flat of that.

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  20. Amen! When I had my sons many years ago, epidurals were not available. I delivered my first son after 8 hours of active labor at which time men were not permitted in the delivery room. When my husband came to the recovery room, he said that the baby was so cute he wanted another one as soon as possible. Ready to kill? Yes! But, obviously we later laughed about it together and had our second son 13 months later. Then....we ....were done!!!!

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