Thursday, January 8, 2015

Recap: "Courtship & Marriage"

Tonight on Bringing Up Bates, "Courtship & Marriage"...
  • Gil and Kelly Bates understand that as their kids grow older, they are going to cut their own trails.
  • "I think all of our children are going to make choices that maybe we didn't make," says Kelly. "But I think the core values, in spite of the little differences, are the same."
  • For example, Zach and Whitney say they plan to let Bradley watch Pooh Bear, even though Zach's parents hardly allow their kids to watch any TV.
  • Erin, who lives only a few miles away from her family, has Callie, Ellie, and Warden over for a sleepover. "It gets lonely," admits Erin. "I'm not used to being by myself, and I really don't like it."
  • Chad returns home from work, and he and Erin share a hug and a kiss. Chad joins Erin and the kids in the kitchen as they finish making dinner. As part of the meal, Erin serves steamed broccoli, but her siblings aren't thrilled about trying it.
  • Now that she is married, Erin has adopted a healthier lifestyle. "I have to be honest," she says. "My family tries to eat healthy." But with 19 kids, it isn't easy, especially since Kelly grew up on TV dinners.
  • In Florida, Alyssa and John also live a quiet life as newlyweds. Alyssa misses her family but is able to chat with them often.
  • "It is terribly hard having Alyssa in Florida because I always want to go see her," says Gil.
  • Back at the Bates house, Michaella packs for a trip to see her boyfriend, Brandon, who is away at Bible college in Texas. Gil prays with his daughter before taking her to the airport.
  • Michaella is chaperoned by her friend, Amber. She and Brandon share a few heartfelt hugs when Michaella arrives. Brandon is thrilled to see his girlfriend. He had no idea she was coming to visit.
  • Gil and Kelly discuss courtship standards. "We as parents set general parameters," says Kelly. They instruct their children to keep Christ at the center of their relationships and to remain pure. They would like each of their kids to save their first kiss for their wedding because they know that kissing in private can lead to other temptations.
  • Gil and Kelly admit that they did not save their first kiss for their wedding. Zach and Whitney intended to but ended up kissing beforehand. They say their parents were very understanding when they admitted what they had done. Zach and Whitney encourage their siblings not to follow in their footsteps.
  • Michaella and Brandon plan to save their first kiss for their wedding, but they exchange frontal hugs when they greet each other and say goodbye.
  • Zach accompanies Whitney to her last doctor appointment before Bradley's birth. The couple is able to see a clear picture of Bradley's face on the ultrasound.
  • Erin and Chad visit a doctor to attempt to find out why they have not been able to sustain a pregnancy. He runs tests and instructs Erin to take an aspirin each day, as well as extra folic acid. Erin and Chad are thrilled to have a remedy to try, and they both give the doctor a hug before leaving.
  • "...We are very hopeful for the future," says Chad.

72 comments:

  1. I'm trying very hard to not be judgy, but the Bates children are disappointing me. I look up to the Bates family and the model they have shown for raising their family. But so far several of their children have "rebelled" (I quote because it's a loose interpretation of rebellion). I'm very disappointed to hear that Zach and Whitney kissed before marriage. Sure they are human, but what disappoints me is that the Bates family still continued to go on and on about how their grown children were waiting, while all this time they knew that Zach and Whitney did not wait. I feel like sometimes these families (fundamentalists some call them) need to be a bit more upfront and honest when life happens. Otherwise they come off as hypocritical. In addition, I saw on congressman Webster's public facebook that Alyssa was wearing jeans. And in the tonights episode she had quite the large TV in her house. Zach also admitted that he will allow his child to watch TV. Sure he said Pooh, but I'm sorry...it starts with Pooh and then suddenly your convictions slowly lesson thread by thread. I guess I just really wanted to truly believe that if you raise your children the way Gil and Kelly have, you can expect the perfect outcome. I guess even in the most strict environments, your children are still going to do as they please when they are grown.

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    1. You do your job as the parent to raise and train them. God has given us the freewill to do what we want. It does bot discredit the way Kelly and Gil have raised their children. As their children get married they have to decide together what's best for their family. God is checking hearts not how long your skirt is or if you have on jeans.

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    2. Naturally, because we are all human beings with sinful nature. I think Kelly and Gil did and are doing a fine job parenting. They clearly adore each child, they keep Christ as the center of their family and bring a joyful spirit to life! None of us are perfect ; but watching parents who pray the Bible with their family and love one another is wonderful.

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    3. Your idea of perfect seems to be children who do exactly what you want, when it should to raise children capable of evaluating their own situation and environment and making the best decision for them. If they are dependent on you for everything, what will they do when you are not around? That is why so many people today are messed up. They have never learned to do for themselves, to think through their life, actions and consequences.

      If you were really trying to not he judgy you wouldn't be judgy. That is like saying no offense before insulting someone.

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    4. Welcome to reality. There is no such thing as the "perfect" family. I think it is a healthy thing if the Bates children make their own decisions when they leave home and it stands to reason that their spouses will not come from carbon-copy backgrounds of their own. Making compromises regarding a kiss before marriage, television viewing, and women wearing blue jeans is not an indication they are on the path to complete character and moral failure.

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    5. I consider myself to be the mother of a conservative Christian family. My 17 year old son attends public high school, where he plays football in addition to his studies. We have two televisions in our home, and my husband and son enjoy watching football and soccer games, and we particularly enjoy watching religious programming, documentaries and movies as a family. I see television as a blessing in my life because I have been ill for a long time, and home bound for periods, yet I can enjoy my religious services through television, as well as many other uplifting programs. We enjoy reading, and volunteering as well. I think that it is important for me to teach my family how to live as Christians in this world, not apart from it. I do believe that it is possible to incorporate modern technology into a Christian household, and that children must be taught how to do so, and how to set appropriate limits. I wear pants when it is more comfortable for me to do so, and I own several pairs of jeans - which in no way detracts from my acceptance of Jesus as my saviour! I feel strongly that one of the core values I am teaching my family is not to judge others, but rather accept those around them. Diversity is beautiful!

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    6. Whether the married Bates kids watch TV at home or not is a decision they have to make together with their spouses and not with their parents anymore. If, for instance, Whitney or John have grown up watching TV it would be hard for them to stop just because they’re now married to a Bates. Also I think I’ve once seen a picture of John’s family in which some of his sisters wear pants. I also think some of Brandon’s sisters wear pants. And Chad’s brother Thomas is also married to a girl who wears pants. So I thinks it’s very likely that Kelly and Gil will have at least some grand daughters who wear pants ;-).

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    7. I think the Bates parents are very wise. You train up your children, then they are on their own. They can't ride on your skirt tail forever. We are a conservative family. My son-in-law's parent are always "scolding" him for something they see in emails(Christmas tree, him wearing shorts etc)Those are their convictions not his. If it's not against scripture, it's not their call, it's God's.

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    8. It appears the Bates children and spouses are more formally educated than the Duggars. Build a life before you build a family. Make sure you have something to offer the girl. Make her a home she can come to.

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    9. There is nothing wrong with people kissing. Its how people show affection. They talked about how it could lead to more and they where trying to provent that. It was an innocent kiss. No family is perfect the bates are very raw they don't put on a show. They have their convictions but understand their children are all different and its OK to live life a little differently.

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    10. interesting, among the people I grew up with, the way the Bates and Duggars live is considered to be liberal. We don't do make up because we rather appreciate how our creator made us without trying to enlarge the appearance of our eyes etc. and because make up has a bad reputation in the bible (2. Kings 9,30) We also do not wear jewellery because we are convinced Jesus wouldn't as well. Kissing before the wedding is not even an issue, hugging as well. A word like courtship doesn't even exist in my language. If somebody thinks it's God's will for him to get married and if he is sure which girl God wants him to wed he gets engaged right away and proposes in a very modest manner. I actually can't tell in datail how they propose because most couples keep that as their secret. Most people don't talk too much about pregnancy because they rather avoid that attention. We don't wear loose hair and not even a ponytail because in the past prostitutes were the only ones to do so and it's also not so practical to work. We try to understand the bible how it's meant and take it very seriously as it's meant and not as we please. We don't try to be conservative but biblical. We don't want to risk the loss of Jesus in our lives. And that's why we rather stay a little further away from the abyss.
      We try not to stick to traditions but to the bible. That also means, if you don't want to have a decorated car for your wedding you don't need to; if you're a girl and feel the call to go to the university you go,...

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    11. Watching TV, wearing pants or kissing before marriage doesn't mean they are no longer moral conservatively valued people. I know of no passage in the Bible that dictates not wearing pants or kissing. In an society where out of wedlock births is common, the fact that a couple kiss is hardly a step toward the dark side.

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  2. Oh i had no idea zach didnt save his first kiss and that michaella gives front hugs. Seems like they have slightly different standards than the duggars.

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    1. Both the Duggars and the Bates have said that each couple is responsible for setting the standards that they feel are appropriate for their relationship. Maintaining purity is the goal, but it is important for the couple to get to know each other and become comfortable with each other, as well as express affection, before marriage.

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    2. I thought the Duggars forbid the couple from kissing before marriage, Kelly said they would like for this to happen, but appreciated Zach and Whitney's honesty. Gil was even smiling when she told the story. I don't think the Duggar's would have taken this news so well about one of their kids. And it probably would never be revealed.
      P

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    3. The Duggars also say that their (adult) kids set the standards for their relationships themselves but surprisingly until now all of them have set the exact same standards (side hugs only, no hand holding until engagement no kissing before their wedding day etc.). But when Jill and Derrick “frontal-hugged” at the airport it was a huge drama. They would have been perfectly fine with it but Jim Bob and Michelle didn’t approve. Kelly and Gil allow their kids at least some more freedom to set their own standards which I think is great!

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    4. Did you notice that when in Nepal, Jim Bob wouldn't even let Derrick and Jill walk next to each other? He inserted himself in between them. And once when Jessa, Ben and Michelle were riding in Ben's truck, Michelle sat between them. I wonder if their experience with Josh has caused them to believe all guys will do the same thing. When they were dating, Jim Bob and Michelle did kiss, and horror of all horrors...Michelle was a cheerleader who wore short skirts and slacks.

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  3. Hi Chad and Erin, have you considered trying essential oils to increase fertility?
    Essential Oils that Promote Fertility:
    Clary Sage
    Cypress
    Fennel
    Frankincense
    Geranium
    Melissa
    Roman Chamomile
    Thyme
    Solace
    Ylang Ylang

    Geranium
    Ginger
    Lavender
    Marjoram
    Oregano
    Thyme
    Ylang Ylang
    Mix a few drops with a carrier oil (such as coconut oil). You can rub this on the bottom of your feet, on tummy, or wrists.

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    1. It isn't infertility. She's miscarrying.

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    2. Essential Oils are still helpful.

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    3. Essential oils are still helpful but under the circumstances it is best to consult with an aromatherapist or other practitioner because some of the oils listed are actually also emmenagogues and can cause early miscarriage.

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    4. Repetitive miscarrying is infertility. The reason for her repeated miscarrying was a clotting disorder, which is most definitely a fertility issue. If you have had more than one to two miscarriages in a row, without a live birth then odds are in the favor that there is a fertility problem going on. Medical testing/evaluation had to happen or you will continually miscarry. Miscarrying is detrimental for the mind, the body and the spirit. Not discovering the core reason for repetitive miscarriages, can put enough stress on a person's mind that it can be the continued reason for it as well. So making a statement of "It isn't infertility. She's miscarrying", is an incorrect blanket statement. Clotting disorders, and PCOS are two of the major infertility reasons for miscarriage

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  4. So happy for Chad and Erin I hope they have kids soon! They're my favorite couple ever!! I hope this episode gets put on YouTube. :) and I had no clue Whitney and Zach kissed before their wedding.

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  5. Another good show; thankful their is hope for Chan and Erin; praying for them.

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  6. Though there are many essential similarities, the Bates' family lifestyle has a different and distinct sort of twist from the Duggar's, definitely!

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    1. Thank goodness!! I like the Bates much better...they seem more casual. After all, God says, "Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old, they will return."
      The Bates are instilling God's Word in their children and letting God and the children do the rest.

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  7. So glad to hear Erin and Chad's news!

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  8. if that were the duggars they would do some kind of punishment. they need to let their children lead their own lives and trust them. that is where God comes in. We grow in Christ when we know him personally. and trusting our adult children to him fully and letting them make their own choiecs comes with that.

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  9. I had a friend that experienced miscarriages before having a healthy baby girl. She had a blood clotting problem and had to take anti coagulants every day--like aspirin. There is definite hope for Erin and Chad. God works miracles and sometimes it is through doctors!. Christina H.

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  10. I think Erin's pregnant!!! If you look during the interviews, she's wearing what I'm pretty sure are morning sickness bracelets!!!

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    1. I didn't see that, but I did notice that it seems on the couch she was sitting very "tucked" inside the corner, and I thought she and Chad's hands were placed to help conceal her stomach. I follow them on IG and I noticed most of her pictures are from the chest up, and when she shows her full body she has on vests often. Could be over-thinking, but who knows?

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    2. If Erin really was preganant she could not be as far along to already show a pregnant belly. Because They were filming in October (shortly before Bradley was born) and I don't know when that doctor's visit was but probably at the same time.

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    3. ...and as for the morning sickness bracelets, I don't know what kind of interviews you are referring to, I unfortuantely only was able to see the first episode on youtube but I think none of the other episodes was filmed later than October/November.

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  11. Great that not all of them share ther first kiss on the wedding.

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  12. This is why I love the bates. They seem more real than Duggars and they are not frightened by the fact that their children might not all fit the mold of ATI...even though Gill is on the board. Yeah for them! I still love the Duggars too though!! Both great wonderful families!

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  13. It seems that the Bates's relationship rules are not as strict as the Duggar's.

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    1. I thought the very same thing, i really hope their show makes it :-) I love Zack and Whitney's honesty.I wonder if the Duggars are allowed to watch their show. I also love the full frontal hugs.

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    2. Yes; I really like that about them! :)

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    3. I love the way they are raising their children, and I really hope the Duggars do watch their show.

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  14. Can you put the episode on YouTube please.

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  15. Love how the bates let their kids decide on their own courtship standards. They seem really involved in their kids lives but let them make their own decisions and mistakes.

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  16. Wonderful family, just like the duggars. Bates family you are so inspirational to me, my husband and our children. I pray that I can become as wonderful a parent to my little ones as you both are to your children. God bless you all.

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  17. So glad nothing is seriously wrong with Erin. Hope this episode makes it to YouTube

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    1. Does anyone know a link to watch it?

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  18. Hi :)Lillie and Ellie,
    Has uptv made a way for others to watch the show???
    Thank you guys for all the updates 😁

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  19. Can't wait to watch this on youtube! Good on Zac and Whitney for setting their own courtship rules and poor Chad and Erin I hope they can start the family they want so desperately soon!

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  20. Sounds like great episode! Hope I get to see it :-)
    I sounds a bit strange that the doctor recommended Erin to take an aspirin every day, since aspirin lower the chance of getting pregnant (according to the facts from public health care here in Sweden), but I think the doctor knows what he's doing.
    Sara

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    1. Aspirin is a blood thinner. She has a clotting issue that prevent her from carrying to term.

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  21. Thank you for doing this blog!

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  22. I, like most everyone else, do not get UP TV. Therefore, I can't watch this show no matter how badly I want to. I was so thankful someone put the first episode on You Tube! First, does anyone know who did that and will it happen again for the rest of the series? And second, does anyone know where I could "buy" single episodes like I've heard other people do. Maybe iTunes, Amazon, Hulu, etc.? It really rankles to have to buy them but I so want to watch this show. I love the Duggars but I'm really liking the Bates more. They seem a little more grounded, a little more real, etc. Any knowledge would be helpful. And to Lily and Ellie, is it? Thank you, thank you, thank, for the wonderful blogs you keep up for both the Bates and the Duggars. You do an amazing job!

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  23. Just aspirin and folic acid to avoid miscarriages? It sounds that nothing is really wrong with Erin, that's great!! Maybe they are pregnant already now!

    I wonder what Brandon & Michaella are waiting for. Did Brandon finish his studies or he is still studying? Maybe he wants to be done with college and start some work and then get married?

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    1. My cousin had the exact same problem and their Doctor suggested the very same thing...she got pregnant 2 months later and now has 3 children. I hope and pray for the same outcome for the Paines :-)

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  24. Wearing earrings (like Alyssa) or jeans or even kissing before marriage (like Zach & Whitney) are not sinful things in themselves. We are probably surprised since the Duggar children adhere to the standards they grew up with even when out of their parents' home. Maybe the Bates children that are married now feel the freedom to do things they would like to do but couldn't. They haven't chosen sinful things. If Zach had set the standard though not to kiss before the wedding, then that is a disappointment regarding his commitment.

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  25. We tried for 10 years to get pregnant and had two miscarriages. Something showed up in my genetic tests (I forget what it was called) that my doctor said means I get more blood clots. So I was told I had to take a baby aspirin everyday. It worked and I got pregnant and had a healthy baby boy :)

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  26. I'd just like to explain that something is definitely wrong with Erins health :( From the treatment prescribed and from the fact that the doctor ran some blood tests Erin probably has Hughes syndrome or another similar blood clothing illness. This autoimmune illness in its mild form causes premature births but Erin probably has the worse form which means that without medication she will never be able to have a successful pregnancy. Fortunately women with Hughes can still have healthy full term babies if they take blood thinners throughout and before the pregnancy - the cheapest and least dangerous of which is of course a low dose aspirin. It that will not work the doctor will prescribe a more potent blood thinner - but they can't do that straight away since too strong blood thinners might cause a miscarriage.
    I'm happy that Chad and Erin are have gotten a diagnosis and are getting the proper treatment and hope that they will be able to welcome a healthy baby without any more miscarriages.

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  27. I haven't seen the episode (I don't pay for TV), but aspirin is usually used to prevent clotting. Perhaps she has a clotting factor issue, at that point the rewards of aspirin override the risks of aspirin, and folic acid is always good!

    For the commenter that is very disappointed in the family, you did come across as judging (sorry). They are a real family, who sometimes makes mistakes. There is no need for them to publicize that Zach and Whit broke their own rules. It happened. They didn't break the law and public shaming (i.e. posting a blog post "our kids screwed up") would have been completely unnecessary. As for wearing pants, they state they prefer skirts, but I remember Kelly saying that it'd be ok if one of the boys married a girl who wore pants. They support individual convictions to hold themselves accountable, those convictions aren't necessarily the same from person to person.

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  28. Are you going to continue posting full episodes to watch on your site? I don't have cable but would really love to watch!! Thanks for the recap.

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  29. Is this episode on YouTube yet?

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  30. I would really like UP TV to make this show available online. I don't have a TV, so I would be willing to pay to watch it online.

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  31. This was a great episode really enjoy watching this family. A fun loving REAL family that loves their children no matter what.

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  32. Does UPtv allow episodes to be posted on YouTube or is it a copyright infringement? UPTV is not available through my Canadian cable provider and I have not sought the show on YouTube because I thought it was illegal to upload shows to YouTube.

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  33. I wish they would get the little boy a new tooth.

    You can be a very devout Christian and kiss before marriage and watch television and gasp, even wear pants.

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  34. I think that the Bates are a wonderful family, with high standards. I believe Gill and Kelly are endeavoring to raise their children right in the midst of a crazy world.
    As I am personally acquainted with many large families, I can safely say that there are no two identical ones, all families are different, the Bates are not the Duggars and the Duggars are not the Bates. I think people need to understand that each of these families (as well as all others) are free to make their own standards and convictions.
    As for Zach and Whitney's decision to let their child watch Winnie the Pooh, I see nothing wrong with that, I grew up watching Winnie the Pooh and it didn't harm me any.
    Even if they let their child watch other things later on, such as popular animated films, I think that is perfectly fine. I'm sure they will be able to make good decisions as to what their child can and cannot watch.
    Since Alyssa is now married, she is no longer under her parents authority. Therefore, if her husband is okay with her wearing pants then it is perfectly acceptable for her to do so (it isn't a sin to wear pants).
    And about Zach and Whitney kissing before their wedding... they didn't have to tell anyone about that, they could have kept it a secret and avoided the criticism and disapproval, the fact that they actually admitted that they broke one of their "rules" shows that they have the maturity to confess and own their mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone will admit to making them.

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    1. I was just going to say the very same thing when i was done reading all the posts, and then i read yours before i finished...we think alike. The Duggars and Bates are two different families who have some similarities and some different. I just wish peope would quit comparing the two.

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  35. I think it's great that Gil and Kelly give their adult children more freedom to define their own courtship standards. Jim Bob Duggar seemed to play a much bigger role, practically arranging his daughters' marriages, which I found a little creepy. Ultimately, we all have to face the Lord and be responsible for our own behavior, so choosing for oneself how to do that in a courtship (with prayer and guidance, but ultimately deciding as an individual) is great practice!

    Alyssa probably has practical reasons for wearing jeans. She is saved by faith alone- not by her choice of clothing!

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  36. Zach and Whitney didn’t fail or break any rule just because they kissed before they were married. These young adults (who are apparently mature enough to be married and become parents) don’t owe any explanation or promise to anyone about what kind of physical contact they are gonna have or not have until when. If both of them were fine with it they shouldn’t feel guilty about it now. After reading this recap, I honestly also believe that Alyssa and John kissed before their wedding because I think no one ever said that it was their first kiss on their wedding day (which is absolutely ok as well). With Erin and Chad they emphasized so many times that these two saved their first kiss for their wedding day, so everyone just automatically assumed that Zach & Whit and Alyssa & John had done the same. But I think it’s great that each couple gets to choose at least some rules for themselves.

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  37. I don't understand why people are comparing families. It's OK if people have different lifestyles. No one is flawless. Their kids (mentioned here) are adults and really can do what they please, so the fact that many choose to be so conservative is still impressive.

    If people choose to be more conservative that doesn't make them less "real." This family hasn't been in the spotlight as long and they don't face the same pressure, so for their kids to kiss or hug in the front... it doesn't affect opinions the same way.

    Appreciate them all for being wholesome and inspiring, but comparing them is just PETTY.

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  38. Could you please post the the video of the the episodes? I do not have this channel and can not find the episodes anywhere. I have only seen the first episode! Thank you so much!!

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  39. I appreciate that the Bates cans be so real. I grew up in a broken home, was public schooled all my life save for kindergarten, and I didn't know frontal hugs were considered so "wrong" by many people. Why put more guilt and awkwardness in a relationship? People don't know how to respond if they can't just genuinely hug someone. I for one felt stiffled when I had to side hug people, including guys. Yes, I know it can make their thoughts turn to darker places, but at that point it is the guy's job to turn his mind to good things. All the blame can't be placed on girls for frontal hugs. So, all this to say, it's nice to see conservative parents letting their grown children make their own choices and mistakes. ;) Erin and Chad, my heart aches for you both! My husband and I have been married approx. 3.5 years now and still waiting on the Lord for our little bundles of joy. May He answer both our prayers and heart's desires soon! :)

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  40. Joining the other requests... please upload on youtube! It's such a blessing for Christian families that don't have TV in their homes :)

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  41. What channel is their show on. I have not seen any of their shows advertised

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